The journey of releasing an addiction can be a long and trying experience. Relapse is many times a part of the recovery process. Below is an excerpt from a blog post of Hamish, a former alcoholic, and his reflection on returning to day zero.
Click here to watch our interview with Hamish and hear his story of addiction recovery.
I quickly opened the bottle before the sanity of reality stopped me from that insane need to take something to numb my feelings and thoughts. I drank to take away the pain.
But I did not care; the temporary warm and fuzzy feeling kicked in, and all those fears and emotions and thoughts faded away.
But, I did not realise that compassion, kindness and love also faded away. As I became numb, my ability to be a nice person faded away. I was shallow, and I was selfish. I was angry, resentful and ugly. Joy and laughter, self-respect and respect for others faded away. All these human values that I cherished fled as I consumed my being with this painkiller, this emotion killer.
It was never worth it. Sometimes I’d not remember falling asleep. I would always remember waking up. I was always soaking, sweat ridden sheets, always dark, always felt like death, always early, and the sleeping form beside me was far to the other side of the bed.
I was always exhausted, full of regret, shame and guilt.
I was destined to do the same thing that night or until I’d built up enough determination and resolve to abstain for another few nights.
But it would not last for long. And there would be another relapse…
Hamish is creating a programme to help people leaving rehabs, for those starting their recovery journey and those who’ve been in recovery for longer but still want help.
Click here to find out about the Addiction Free Life process.